Before we proceed, I will like to seize this opportunity to appreciate everyone who took out time to read, like and share the “Pt.1” of this article (if you haven’t read it, do so via the link below: https://ccraauekpomaalumni.com/2020/04/12/christian-brothers-and-relationship-pt-1/
Dear brothers, being in a relationship is nice, but it’s not a requirement for your happiness. Relationship is doomed from the start if one person has pinned their entire happiness on it; being responsible for someone else’s happiness is too much pressure for anyone to bear. Don’t forget that our joy comes primarily from the Lord and not from men. (A refined thinking).
In this second part we will focus on some basic and important questions we (Brothers) must answer before formally entering into a pre-covenant relationship.
🔸7QUESTIONS YOU MUST FIND ANSWERS TO BEFORE ENTERING A RELATIONSHIP
The following are questions you must consciously provide answers to before entering into a relationship:
1. Am I ready for an intimate relationship?
2. Are we compatible?
3. Is she genuinely born again?
4. Does she understand the Word’s principles for marriage (submission)?
5. Do I have an accurate Biblical understanding of the concept love?
6. Would I be proud to showcase her to the world?
7. Do I want to grow old with her?
Ride with me as I shine some light on them:
1. AM I READY FOR AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP?
There are four major stages of relationship, and intimacy stage happens to be the second. Its also known as close or acquaintance stage; at this stage you share your cares and worries with each other, you discover each other love languages, weakness, likes, desires, aspirations and dreams (vision). Constant communication is key at this stage. This stage ends when you propose marriage to her, you automatically graduate into the pre-covenant stage (courtship) and then the final stage known as covenant relationship (marriage).
For instance, It’s insane to wakeup one morning and walk straight to a female with the intention of entering into an intimate relationship with her without first preparing yourself for the consequences. Being ready is not just about a certain age, rather it has everything to do with maturity;
A. Physical maturity
B. Financial maturity
C. Emotional maturity
D. Spiritual maturity
If you can balance the above then you are on the right track. Am not trying to scare you off from venturing into an intimate relationship of course you wouldn’t remain single forever (Laughs). But I will like you to enter into such with a positive mentality.
2. ARE WE COMPATIBLE?
Most relationships don’t grow above intimacy stage because of conflict of VALUES and INTEREST; particularly as a result of indiscipline (issues of pre-marital sex and other incompatibility issues).
Vision compatibility is a very important factor to consider; she must be someone who is going your way, someone who is ready to support and run with your vision. So, you must ensure your life partner is in unison with your ultimate purpose for living. If your friend does not value what you value, they reduce your value. So, fellowship with those who believe what you believe and value what you value.
3. IS SHE GENUINELY BORN AGAIN?
Someone once asked me this question during a relationship meeting “Sir, can a Christian marry an unbeliever?” my response was immediate; “NO; a thousand times no” light does not fellowship with darkness. So you see, It’s not even enough for her to be a member of a local assembly. She must be genuinely born again; meaning she must have given up her life to the governing authority of Christ; alive unto God. You will agree with me that so many sisters in our churches today, particularly among choirs are better described as actors, some join the group not because they want to exalt God with singing, rather they take advantage of such platforms to showcase themselves. I’m not saying some are not genuinely born again, the point is, we must go after the one who is soldout to God.
4. DOES SHE UNDERSTAND THE WORD’S PRINCIPLES FOR MARRIAGE (SUBMISSION)?
In this 21st century so many ladies believe that the word “submission” is an act of weakness; just like giving ones right to another. But that’s not what submission means according to the Bible. Ephesians 5:22-24 KJV:Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
The above is addressed to wives as “ACTION POINT” meaning the Bible didn’t say men are superior to women, rather it says woman is to be submissive to one man (Husband). “The husband is the head of his wife” not head over all wives (Laughs). So, she must be ready to accept you as her leader and Lord. For instance Sarah referred to Abraham as her lord which means ” I esteem you”. So, ladies never forget that your primary ministry according to the Word is to be a help-mate to your own husband; her desire shall be to her husband.
5. DO I HAVE AN ACCURATE BIBLICAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT LOVE?
Ephesians 5:25KJV:Husbands, LOVE your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. Notice the Bible didn’t give conditions; it would have said “love your wife only when she submits to you”, so you are expected to play your own role irrespective of hers; don’t stop loving her even if she misbehaves. Biblical love is unconditional, sacrificial and an expression of our divine nature. That’s why we have the ability to show love even to those who claim to be our enemies.
6. WOULD I BE PROUD TO SHOWCASE HER TO THE WORLD
Inside beauty is important. infact it’s most important, but outward beauty should be considered also. So, guys don’t marry a lady you wouldn’t be proud of. Go for someone that is physically attractive; the kind of girl you can take out for parties and other any public functions.
7. DO I WANT TO GROW OLD WITH HER?
This question is extremely important, so many people marry because of outward beauty; pretty face, sweet legs etc. Without looking at the big picture, those sweet legs will suddenly become wrinkled and irritating one day; the question is, would you still want to be with her?
If you can answer the above questions accurately, then you are good to go. Note, it might not necessarily be a yes yes answer.
Thank you for reading. Don’t forget to like and share.
GOD BLESS YOU!
©MARTIN SPIRITMAN, 2017
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